Karen's post at The Naked Ovary got me thinking, because it is similar to what I have been feeling lately. the start of September marks the 4th year of trying to have a baby. 4 years later, we have nothing but a crapload of shattered dreams, anger, cooled friendships and a boatload of pain. oh yea, and leftover Follistim in my fridge. how do I give up the dream of carrying my own child? 5 miscarriages have let us know emphatically that it ain't gonna happen, no matter how much I relax, try not to worry, etc etc etc and all the platitudes spoken by those who don't get it.
how do we give up that dream? we're so very tentatively moving towards adopting, because if nothing else, the last 4 years have shown us that we do want to be parents (and will be damn good ones too) . the pain comes from the realization that it won't be in the way we expected, the way most people get to do it.
it's just too damn hard sometimes, and too damn unfair.