I'm married to a very wise man.  he managed to put into words how this whole journey has affected us both.  he told me today "I feel really bad, but if this is it, then I know I won't ever feel this bad again". we need a rest to renew our hearts that have been so badly bruised and battered by the failed treatments and miscarriages.  so I've had several caffeineated Cokes, chocolates, and ice cream, plus being taken out for lunch and dinner isn't such a bad thing.  floorcake was thought of, but P came home to help take me out of the funk that was starting.  that's not to say I won't be desiring any soon.